Birth Story of the Week: Indescribable

This is a wonderful story, sent to me by Nathan and Kate Bechtold, detailing the recent birth of their son. It is a really engrossing read, and I love the way that it is written by both parents -- it is somewhat unusual to read a father's detailed account of the birth of his child, especially intertwined so beautifully with the mother's telling. What a sweet, illuminating format! You can read more about the birth, and see additional photos on Nathan and Kate's blog, The Ozark House. Thanks for sharing, you two!

--Leigh

This is the story of how our boy, Saylor Jack Bechtold, made his grand entrance into the world. Here’s how it all went down…in our words (Nathan in plain text, Kate in italics)
His due date had come and gone, and for eight days, we wondered, When? Kate was having frequent Braxton-Hicks contractions, and she was doing all the things you’re supposed to do to help “induce” labor naturally – including lots of yoga!
The morning of Friday, February 18th, Kate woke up at 4AM with very slight “gas cramps.”

They were about 30 minutes apart, but I wasn’t convinced it was anything, because it really did feel like, well, gas. So I got up, and got a bath and they wouldn’t go away, in fact they started coming a little faster – every 15 minutes or so. So I started getting excited.

She told me about them, so I told her to go back to bed and see what happens.

Once I woke up later, by 8AM, they were gone! Frustrated, I told Nathan, “This is gonna be a stupid day.” I figured it must have just been gas after all. It was okay, I thought, because Nathan’s parents were coming into town that day anyways, and I had lots to do!

My parents arrived around 12:30, and around that time, Kate’s “gas cramps” started again. They were gradually getting stronger, but not much, so my mom suggested they go on a walk, to see what would happen.

Before the walk, I called Kelly (our midwife), and she told me to let her know if they were 10 minutes apart for two hours straight. On the walk, I had my watch with me, and I timed them: they were ranging anywhere from 4-10 minutes apart.

We called Kelly again, and she urged Kate to drink more water and take a bath – to make sure it wasn’t false contractions from dehydration. She drank some water and then, before dinner, Kate and I went shopping for a few things, and the cramps (contractions) gradually strengthened as we walked.

At this point, I never had any pain – just kind of an urge to use the bathroom.

The contractions continued through dinner – still not painful, and kinda sporadic. So Kate hopped in the bath…

…to clear my mind – I couldn’t hang out with anybody right then. I was trying to prepare myself to be in labor, if this was really it.

I called Kelly while Kate was in the bath, and she said to give it two more hours. If things intensified, she was coming over (she lives two hours away). If they calmed down or stayed about the same, we’d just keep waiting it out without her. “In the meantime,” she said, “I’m getting some sleep, and Kate should too.”

Not long after my bath, I called my parents (in South Carolina), and told them to start heading this way. I wasn’t sure it was labor, but could only think about the fact that I wanted them to be there. So if by chance it was labor, they should come now.

Within that two hour span, Kate began actually having to focus through the contractions. She would lie on her side in bed, and I would coach her, helping her relax and breathe.

I walked into the living room at one point, and Adrienne asked “So what do you want to do now? Play a game? Watch a movie?” And right then a strong one hit me, and I realized that wasn’t gonna happen. I was 75% sure I was in labor at this point.

Ridiculous.

So after about three of those – which felt like pretty strong menstrual cramps – I was 100% sure, so I called Nathan’s siblings (in Texas) and told them to come on up to Missouri.

The two hours were gone, and things had definitely advanced, so I called Kelly. It was about 10:00PM. I told her what was up, and she said she was on her way. I hadn’t yet filled up the birth pool, and she suggested I get going on that. Well, our water heater is very small, and that birth pool takes a lot more water than I thought! So I would fill it until we ran out of hot water, and then wait for 30 minutes. Then fill it some more. Then wait some more. It didn’t have enough water in it until almost 1:00AM.

I had no idea any of this was going on – I was in such a deep, almost hypnotic, state – trying to relax through each contraction. The room was dark, candles were lit, I had my “baby” playlist playing softly on the ipod. Things were very peaceful.

I was still helping her relax and breathe, but it was growing more difficult for her to relax as the contractions grew stronger. Kelly arrived around 12:30AM (now Saturday, February 19th). She checked Baby’s heartbeat – it was great – and felt around Kate’s tummy and detected that Saylor was no longer posterior, but had turned to the ideal birthing position. Good news. Then she left the room for a bit after a few encouraging words.
I noticed that Kate was really losing her concentration at this point, and not responding well to my attempts to get her to relax – she said the contractions were becoming too strong. Kelly, listening outside the door to Kate’s moans, brought in some clary sage essential oil, which I rubbed on Kate’s feet. That seemed to help some (and smelled really nice).

I began to feel the contractions “taking over” my body. They were these huge rushes. Before that, they had been like strong menstrual cramps: they hurt, but were bearable. Now they were like something I had never felt before – very powerful.

In the meantime, my mom was bringing in pots of boiling water to add to the birth pool, which Kate would soon be entering.

My memory of everything from this point on is pretty foggy. I guess I was just “in the zone” and not really focusing on anything else happening around me.

Kate was making frequent bathroom trips, with multiple contractions while sitting on the toilet, which made me nervous (I guess I just imagined our child falling out into the toilet bowl all of a sudden).
Finally, at around 1:30AM, Kelly suggested Kate hop in the pool. Well, not “hop”…

That’s when things REALLY got started! It was not physically possible for me to relax through the contractions anymore. I was vocalizing, but that’s about all I could do. I don’t mean I was out of control – it’s just that I had to start doing whatever my body required of me during the contractions. Whatever came naturally. *sings* “Doin’ what comes naturally!”

She thinks that she got scary at that point – roaring or whatever some women say they do – she wants me to say that she was scary, like a lioness. But she wasn’t scary (although I did tell her at the time that she was like a sexy lioness queen). She was strong! With every passing minute, I became more amazed at her tenacity, and the fact that she wasn’t asking for, or even mentioning, pain-killing drugs! She was just doin’ work!

Kelly never does an internal exam to check your dilation, unless you ask for it. I never asked for it. So we never knew how far I was dilated. Her reasoning is that she doesn’t want to introduce unnecessary bacteria into the birth canal. But what I didn’t know at the time was that Kelly was listening, outside the room, guessing how far I was dilated by the sounds I was making!

And she was probably pretty correct. At one point, when the contractions were getting long, strong, and right on top of one another, Kate looked at me with either guilt or surprise (or perhaps just honesty), and said “I think I just pushed a little bit.” So she was in transition, I knew.

I also had said “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” And that was the “self-doubt” emotional signpost mentioned in “Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way” that lets you know you’re transitioning.

And I think it was about that time that Kelly had guessed Kate was at an 8 or a 9.

Kelly came in again, and I told her “I don’t know why I did it – I just did it. I felt like it was time, so I started doing it.” She said, “Well good! That’s great!”
At that point, I asked her to stay in the room.
Then I spent a little while “bearing down”…not completely pushing, but sorta halfway, because my body simply had to do it.

It was around 2:30 or 3:00AM then.

I couldn’t tell you if I did that for ten minutes or two hours. It felt like days. I was on my hands and knees, and at some point…

…around 3:45…

…my water broke.

I was applying counter-pressure to Kate’s lower back when she would push.

Do we want to talk about how I pooped in the pool?

No.

But eventually, the angle she was sitting in kept me from applying counter-pressure very easily. Kelly asked Kate if she wanted me to get in the pool. She did. So I did. The serious pushing started then.

I felt like it started earlier, but I’m not the one to ask. Anyways, that was around 4:00AM.

I don’t remember much, here.

Kelly left the room for 10-15 minutes when I climbed in the pool, and in the meantime, Kate was workin’.
Kelly came back in, and we both encouraged Kate as she pushed with her contractions.

I remember kinda whimpering in between contractions, kinda whining about how tired I was.

I was sitting down, leaning against the pool wall, with my legs apart and knees bent. Kate was sitting between my legs, leaning against me, with knees up.

Where my memory gets clear is when Kelly said “With the next push, I want you to reach down and feel his head.” I did!

Me too. Kinda cool, kinda weird.

I got my second wind at that point, and didn’t really notice the pain or tiredness anymore, because I was so excited.

Then the contractions slowed, and Kate was waiting several minutes in between each, to push.

It was nice because I needed a break, but annoying because I was so close, and ready to meet my baby.

Then all of a sudden, Kate pushed a couple of times, and there was a baby in the water.
4:46AM.

Well, with more detail – I gave one hard push, and his head was out, which caught me by surprise. Then with one more seemingly effortless push, he just slid out!
I let out a yell because I was so surprised that there had been an actual human in there (my tummy) the whole time! It may seem weird, but for some reason I was in denial during the whole pregnancy that an actual human baby would come out at the end.

I was the first to notice that he was a boy. I figured everyone else had seen it, but as soon as he was born, Kelly gave him to Kate, who put him on her chest, so nobody saw it, except me!

We could say who was in the room at the time: Obviously the two of us and Kelly, and then Adrienne (housemate and friend), Dixie (Nathan’s mom), and Barry (Nathan’s dad).

Also, when he came out, I started bawling. It was so unexpected – I mean, I didn’t expect that I would cry, but I also just didn’t expect any of it. It was like a real-life magic trick! Also, when people talk about God being in the room when a baby is born – they’re right.

The cord was around his neck when he came out, but Kelly quickly unwrapped it. He cried really good and started breathing right away, without any help.

I cut the cord – not waiting very long, because it had stopped pulsating pretty quickly. Kelly checked Baby Saylor (though we hadn’t named him yet), then took him from Kate to dry him off and hold him. Kate stood up, delivered the placenta, and stepped out of the pool (leaving me sitting in…something of a mess).

We all got cleaned up, dried off, and quickly into bed. Photos were taken, tears were shed, joy abounded. Kate and Saylor went to sleep, and I stayed up, overcome by such an amazing experience.

Birth Story of the Week: Homebirth Rules!

I'm so pleased to bring back Birth Story of the Week, which has been on a bit of an unplanned hiatus (had you noticed?). I have some great stories lined up for the coming weeks, so stay tuned! Let's kick things off with this empowering, funny, sweet, and matter-of-fact home birth story. It is written by my new friend, the fabulously multitalented and accomplished Sharmadean Reid, who authors the blog, London Momma. Thank you so much for sharing, Sharmadean!

--Leigh

So two weeks after the deed, here is my birth story: On Monday 31st Jan I woke up at 8.30am with some mild period-like pains. Having not surfed the crimson wave for so long, I almost forgot what the pain felt like. I pretty much knew I was in labour straight away and I was pissed because every week since 36 weeks I’d been getting my hair and nails done, just in case he popped out, and I was due to get did that day. I wanted to be all beautified for my babba, but of course all of that went straight out the window.

I didnt call the midwife until 10am when I had my “show” - you know that bloody muscus plug that looks like alien saliva? I thought I had it earlier but just like your waters breaking, when it comes you KNOW about it.

My midwife, the lovely Keiko, arrived at my house within 20 minutes! I had decided around week 30 that I wanted to have a homebirth. My reasons being: I’ve never been in hospital overnight since I was born, but when I do go to hospitals, to visit friends or something, I’m always grossed out by it. They’re always noisy, with bad furniture and lighting, yellowing walls and staff who always seem too rushed off their feet to tend to you. I also get annoyed hearing women screaming. I think it would stress me out and make my labour difficult. Hospitals are basically a gathering place for illness and disease, and to me, pregnancy is not a disease, so why not have it in the comfort of my own house, surrounded by pretty things, food and drink I want, TV, internet and boxsets?!

When I told my previous midwife, a jolly African lady called Kiki, that I wanted a homebirth, her first comment was “So whut is yur attitude to pain???” I replied “Its gonna hurt isnt it, so theres no need to get hysterical…” and she was like “Uh huh…okaaaay”. At a homebirths you can only get gas and air - NO OTHER DRUGS! I wasnt worried though. She then transferred me to the Homebirth Team.

Every London borough is different, I’m with Haringey, so basically there is a team of community midwives that deal with homebirths. I had my first appointment with Keiko, a really chilled out Japanese lady, who immediately made me happy as she was so relaxed. Exactly what I wanted - i hate a lot of fuss and she was completely zen-like. She went through a health checklist with me to make sure I was eligible. Technically you have to tick all the boxes to qualify for a homebirth, stuff like you cant be asthmatic, you have to be between 37 and 41 weeks pregnant etc Its basically only available for low-risk pregnancies and I was lucky enough to not have had a single complication my entire pregnancy.

She then left me with a shopping list of stuff to buy as I wanted a waterbirth. My boyf was convinced I was gonna shit myself during labour and was obsessed with buying a sieve to fish it out of the pool with, but he didnt have to worry as I ordered this HOMEBIRTH KIT from Made in Water which I highly recommend. It contained everything I needed (including sieve) and the pool is reusable after! (The pool comes with a specially made liner for use during labour so all the placenta and stuff gets thrown away and doesnt touch the actual pool bottom). Here is the pool in our living room.

Make sure you get it out for a test run and that you have enough hot water to fill it. We blew it up about a week before and it just stayed in the living room until labour time.

I then had weekly visits in my home by the midwives from the team. Since I transferred I havent had to leave my house for anything - actually the only blip was that my iron was low (8.6 and it needs to be at least 10)) and if your blood count is low, they advise against homebirth in case you bleed a lot and pass out. So I had to take iron tablets for 3 weeks (so three weeks of black poop) to get my levels back up. I took myself to the hospital to get a blood test to prove my levels were up after two weeks as the thought of not having a homebirth cos of IRON really annoyed me. Thankfully it went back up to 11.6 and all was fine!

Ok so back to the labour - After Keiko came at 10am the contractions were starting to build slowly. I kept going between laying on the sofa, lying in the bath and bouncing on my birthing ball (like a gym/medicine/swiss ball - another thing I highly recommend). Nothing much was happening. I’d been doing pregnancy yoga for 4 weeks with Maxine Levy in Golders Green so I was well prepared with my breathing exercises. It made all the difference and the contractions werent really painful in the beginning.

The rest of Monday was quite boring. My Mom came down so Monday evening me, Greg and my Mom just sat around in absolute silence, no tv, no nothing, while i did my special breathing continuously. I called Keiko at midnight as the pain was intensifying but unfortunately I was still only 3cm dilated!!! I was sooooo pissed off! I’d been having contractions all day and only three fucking centimetres?!!? (You have to be at 10cm before you can push) So Greg and my Ma went to sleep while I stayed awake with my belly.

Tues AM - I call Keiko at 9am for another examination….still wasnt dilated enough! I’d been awake for 24 hrs and I was exhausted! Keiko leaves me and we begin another day of contractions. Again I rotate between bath/sofa/ball and again nothing happens! At 10pm I’m getting weary and disheartened. The contractions are getting more painful as my amniotic sac is pressing so hard on my pelvis. I tell Greg to call Keiko and tell her I want to go to the hospital and get my waters broken. At this point I feel bad that I let Keiko and the Homebirth Team down. I anticiapted all sorts of pain but I didnt expect the labour to drag on for two days and I was tired! They wont break your waters at home, in fact they wont do any sort of intervention, so I was shouting to Greg - just take me to get my waters broken, it hurts!!!

Keiko arrives at 11pm. She pretty much ignores my pleas to go to the hospital (which I am totally thankful for) and gives me a can of gas and air. Cos I’ve never done any drugs, I didnt know how to suck it properly (like a bong i guess) and Keiko was like - “Dont you ever get high?!” I started laughing…Once I got the hang of it, I sat there sucking on that tube for dear life! I thought it would make me feel sick and lightheaded but it was just perfect. It took the edge off the contractions even though it made my mouth all crusty and dry.

By now I was like a freak. I vomited anything I ate, I kept pissing myself and I was sat bouncing on a pink ball sucking on the gas. I looked like shit, I was tired and hungry and just wanted to sleep!

Greg and my Mom went down for another night of sleep while Keiko kept me company. (she stayed with me from Tues 11pm onwards) I was getting really impatient and restless and at 4am she “examined” me again and I’d said if I wasnt 6cm that was going to hospital. I say “examined” me as she kind of fiddled about for a while a lo and behold my waters gushed out all over my sofa! Hallelujjaaaaah!

I felt like a massive pressure had eased, it felt so good for about FIVE MINUTES! Because without the shock absorber of the sac, the contractions felt even worse!!! I was sucking on the gas like a crackhead to a pipe while Greg filled the pool. I got in at 6am and the water was such a relief. As the pool is small and snug, it felt really cosy and the water eased the pain in my back.

I was sat in the pool on my ass for 2 hours breathing and falling asleep between contractions and nothing was happening. I was breathing and pushing and the head hadn’t even crowned! The second midwife, Nancy, arrived and by now I was shouting that I couldnt do it, was too tired etc!! Nancy, who was 7 months pregnant herself, started spurring me on, telling me I was fine etc. I was kind of spun out and I can’t remember the tiny details. I wish I had filmed it so I could see what I was like but I do remember that I was shouting, not in a hysterical way, but it a more primal way, like a war cry or something.

By 9am I’d had enough. I decided to pull myself together. I turned around onto all fours (which I hadnt wanted to do before because it was so painful) leaned by elbows on gregs lap as he was sat by the pool and stopped my constant breathing which was exhausting me, and only did my breathing exercises and pushes while the contractions were happening.

He finallllly started to make moves. I pushed and pushed and the only real pain that I can remember is when I felt his head widening my pelvic bones. As his head started to come out, I felt every feature of his face brush against my vagina, so weird! The midwives then told me to stop pushing which I duly followed as I knew they were controlling my pushing to stop me from tearing and tearing was the only thing I was terrified of. However when I stopped pushing I felt like his head was going back inside me! argghhhh, all my hard work undone! But no, it was fine, his head came out and then I felt his shoulders wiggle - PULL HIM OUT! I shouted, but no - my work was not yet done and I had to give him a final push out.

Greg delivered him and passed him underneath me, and my Mom grabbed him and passed him to me, and I sat back in the pool with him in my arms and started laughing!

He didnt cry immediately so they cut the cord and took him over to the dining table where the towels were laid out and roughed him up a little. He started crying and they weighed him.

Then they delivered the placenta and examined me. Thankfully I only had a tiny tear, no stitches! Yahoo! Then Greg and I sat on the sofa with him and he looked and each of us in the eye directly, it was truly magical.

After cleaning myself up and putting on some warm clothes, I got into bed with my baby and just stared at him.

Roman William Prendergast was born at 10.31am on Wednesday 2nd Feb (his due date). He weighed 8lb 4oz! and was 57cm long. He is super alert, stares a lot and I love him.

Labour is not as bad as you think.

THINGS I WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY:

Take your final trimester diet seriously. I was anemic as I’d gone off meat but I should have taken some supplements.

Walk around during early labour. I made myself way too comfortable and cosy which is why I think he didnt come out for ages. No relaxing baths next time, I’ll put myself in some pain to encourage active labour.

Videoed the birth. I wish I could remember every detail, but its just impossible when you’re in the throes of it all.

Having a homebirth is an amazing experience. It was so wonderful to be able to get into my own bed with my baby. Everything went perfectly. The midwives were great. It was a real luxury to have two midwives undivided attention throughout my labour, in a hospital they would be coming in and out. I understand its different for everyone, but if you are young and healthy and low risk, I think having your baby at home is a good option.

Guest Post: Jen from Real Art Real Food on Jeannine Parvati Baker

Hello, I'm Jen from Real Art Real Food. I'm so honored to be here on Marvelous Kiddo, a blog which has inspired me in so many ways!

I discovered Jeannine Parvati Baker's book, Prenatal Yoga and Natural Childbirth, during my first pregnancy. It gave me the confidence to commit to a natural birth, and helped me tune in to my true instincts and desires for that day.

Jeannine, who sadly died in 2005, was a yogini, a mother, and a midwife. The book includes all of the amazing birth stories of her own six children, including the suspenseful birth of her twins, when she walked out of the hospital in the middle of labor. It also includes her guide for a prenatal yoga practice. The photographs, too, are beautiful and inspiring - snapshots of a joyous "hippie" life.

Jeannine was a true radical, and her opinions are extreme. She advocates for unassisted, free birth. While I had a (natural) hospital birth the first time, and a midwife-attended home birth the second time, I find the essence of her opinions and statements impossible to argue with. She speaks the truth. She says birth is inextricably entwined with sexuality, spirituality, and the self.

Jeannine has also written a great deal about what she calls "Conscious Conception." She encourages both parents to prepare for and knowingly enter into the conception of a child, listening to their hearts, minds, their sexual beings, and their unborn children. She encourages us to see the link between conception and birth, and says, "We give birth as we conceive."

Here's Jeannine on mothering:

"Mothering needn't be a duty. It is a preference and a pleasure if these few things are kept in mind and soul: be not afraid to touch, naked body to naked body, to sleep with your baby, to nurse very often and orgasmically, to feel your own pain, anger, and frustrations and express them as purely as your baby will."

Jeannine on turning within for knowledge:

"I have no fear of birth. That's a gift as well as an earned trust.... How did I know the deliveries would be graced? The same way I knew I was pregnant so early on. The brain-heart knows. And once the monkey-mind quiets down enough, all the information we need is right here, within."

Jeannine on freebirth and its connection to conception:

"If birth is a natural expression of sexuality, why hire a paid paranoid 'just in case?' In the words of Artemis, 'Birth is as safe as life gets.' We have now experienced the fullest expression of our sexuality and spirituality at once in freebirth and realize that if we needed no one present at the conception, we need no one present at the outcome of that loving ceremony, the birth."

On birth and peace:

"When shared in trust with our families, birth can bring an eternal bond between the mother and her loved ones. The more each mother reclaims her natural birthright the greater chance we will receive peace on our planet."

This book is full of gifts. I hope you have a chance to read it and treasure it as much as I do!

All photos from Prenatal Yoga and Natural Childbirth

P.S. (From Leigh): Jen and her family live here in NYC and are dear friends of ours. When I was first getting to know Jen she did not have a blog, and I thought, this lady really needs to write a blog! She is a walking wealth of information regarding birth, food, breastfeeding, art, and parenting. Fortunately for me and anyone with an interest in these topics, Jen recently started sharing her insights on Real Art, Real Food. She's only sixteen posts in, but already I'm hooked. Check it out, and you will be too!

Talib Kweli on Birth

Photo via Imgfave.

We made our birth playlist today, which was so much fun. In the process of listening through our iTunes collection I ran across this track by Talib Kweli, called Joy. I know I've heard it before but I don't think I've ever paid attention to the words until today. Turns out, this beautiful song contains a little rap-commentary on hospital vs. home birth! Check it out (and read the lyrics below):

Joy - Talib Kweli

JOY (Lyrics)

Wooaahh! yeah

on top of the world

Yeah, that's how my seeds got me feeling' right now

on top of the world

Yeah, you ever felt like you could do anything, (Yeah)

on top of the world

(?) I'ma hold y'all down for real, (Gotcha!)

[Talib Kweli]

It was 1996, 4th of July, looking off in the sky

dealing with thoughts inside, when something caught my eye

It was a silhoutte of a beautiful woman, bright with life

carrying my first seed, looking like she gone bear fruit tonight

We at the African street festival, and she walking around

talking about the midwife said, that bring the baby down

I'm about to be a father, the sights and sounds, seem brighter around me

and for starters, I know I'ma work harder, word

We got home at three in the morning, I was beat

them contractions started coming as soon as I fell asleep

3:05, like every five minutes, then the water broke

we on the go, yelling at the cabbie, cause he's sort of slow

You know them hospitals all trying to get paid, no questions

here come the doctor's with they drugs, trying to do c-sections

But my baby stay's strong, in labor for yay long

eight-pound baby boy, to carry my name on, joy!

[Chorus: Mos Def + (Talib Kweli)]

Huh, yeah

I know how you feel, Kweli I know how you feel

(That's the sound of joy)

See my brother, I know how you feel, Kweli, I know how you feel

(That's the sound of joy)

So when you, have a seed, come in the world, say dog that shit's real

(That's the sound of joy, y'all)

Huh, Kweli, yo I know how you feel, Kweli, yo I know how you feel

My baby girl

[Talib Kweli]

June 10th, 1999, I been on the grind

since the birth of my son, it's been about, way more then rhymes

Baby on the way, my lady glowing today, at least

that's what the midwife said, on the phone

Anyway, the music got me going away

Like everyday, but it's a blessing, so I gotta have patience

and she got pregnant on a Jamaican vacation

So it's all good, this time well have the baby in a house

I went the hospital route, I know what they all about (Never again)

So I'm out on tour, in Baltimore

get the call around four, when the water hit the floor (Damn!)

I gotta rock my show, but I gotta go

got second thoughts about her not going, to the hospital

I left the show early, Mos held me down, good looking (No doubt)

call the car service, like, take me straight to Brooklyn (Uh huh)

Got the news in the car, stayed sorta calm

but I cried tears of joy, when they put my daughter in my arms, how precious!

[Chorus: Mos Def + (Talib Kweli)]

Huh, huh

Said I know how you feel, uh, said I know how you feel when you

(My precious joy)

Said I know how you feel, uh, Kwe I know how you feel

(I know you do, huh, my precious joy y'all)

Huh, uh, said I know how you feel (yeah), said I know how you feel

(My precious joy)

Huh, man I know how you feel (yeah), said I know how you feel

[Talib Kweli]

I do it for the seeds y'all, in they formative years when they need y'all

we gotta believe, in what we conceive y'all, it's deep y'all

I give them the truth, so they approach the situation, with ammunition

I keep nothing away, they hear everything, cause they know how to listen

Teach them the game, so they know they position, so they can grow

and make decisions, that change the world, and break old tradition

They put kids in jail, for a life they ain't even get to start

that's murder too, and it's breaking my heart, it's breaking our nation apart

We gave the youth all the anger, it's just

we ain't taught them, how to express it, and so it's dangerous

You can't talk to them

Unless your language is relating to what they going through

so busy ignoring them, you can't see what they showing you

And you wonder, why we called baby-daddy's and baby-momma's

when we grow up, we can't act like adult mothers and fathers, yo

I'm so blessed to have a boy and a girl, everyday they bring joy to my world

[Chorus: Mos Def + (Talib Kweli)]

Huh, yeah

I know how you feel, Kweli I know how you feel

(That's the sound of joy)

Brother Kwe', I know how you feel, Brother Kwe', I know how you feel

(Baby girl, my precious joy)

Kweli, I know how you feel, say bro' I know how you feel

(Fela, be my joy, yo)

Huh, if you know how the people feel, let me really know how you...yo

I do it for the seeds y'all [Repeat 5x]

Birthy Links

Another cool home birth story told in graphic memoir form.

Seven truly extreme birth stories.

Amazing vintage pregnant dolls!

90-year-old Midwife delivers her own great-grandchild.

Enjoy!  Photo via WeHeartIt.

Must-See-TV Alert

Tonight on ABC's 20/20:

Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy: A Mom Talks About Her Decision to Continue Breastfeeding Her Older Children

Mothers To-Be Saying "No" to Modern Medicine: A Small But Growing Number of Women Choose to Give Birth At Home

Labor Orgasms Called "Best-Kept-Secret": Moms, Experts Say Relaxation Is Key to Pleasurable Childbirth

Click on the above links for detailed articles based on the 20/20 stories, as well as video highlights.

I'm sure the coverage of these issues won't be 100% positive, but I still think it's progress to see conversations about extended breastfeeding and home birth in the mainstream media.  If you watch tonight's episode at 10 pm EST, let me know what you think by leaving a comment here!

UPDATE (1.3.09):  I didn't get to watch the show last night, but I am reading reactions to it in the blogosphere this morning. Check out the rather scathing review of Crunchy Domestic Goddess, here.  Thoughts?

Photo via WeHeartIt.

Christmas Eve Gift

A babywearing nativity! Via Rosa Pomar.

Conversations on Birth

In the wake of yesterday's New York Times article about home birth, the topic of home birth has taken the blogosphere by storm.  Of course, many of the natural-birth activism/midwifery blogs are all over it, but because this was such a high-profile news piece I have noticed conversations sparked in less-expected corners of the internet.  Places like a Glamour Magazine sex-and-relationships blog, a pop culture site, and a home decor site.

I am glad to see much-needed attention being given to the issue of birthing options, and conversation is a good thing.  However, I have been appalled by some of the ferociously hostile words coming from women aimed at women who choose to have home births.  Take for example an excerpt from a post that went up on Jezebel today, authored by someone not at all keen on the concept of being subjected a home-birthing neighbor's supposed "caterwauling":

"...if you choose to give birth at home in the apartment above mine, you have to accept my choice to leave a steaming bag of dog poo in your mailbox."

These vitriolic comments are not coming from people within the medical establishment, in fact their comments betray an outright ignorance of medical fact to go along with their bile.  Take for instance these words from popular decor blogger Decorno, who envisions hospitals to be havens of happy hour, apparently:

"This kind of back-to-roots childbirth business is a load of crap.  To my future baby: Momma will have you with some drugs in her. Deal with it. Immediately following birth, she will ask the doctor to grab her compact and her Chanel lipstick and will re-apply before ordering a cocktail. You will not be born in an inflatable pool, nor in Queens. These will be the two ways in which I reassure you that I actually love you. Welcome to the world. Love, Your Mother. Now hand me my cigarettes..."

That one is so out there you actually have to kind of smirk.  And indeed, I realize that Decorno was probably shooting for laughs when she wrote that.  And it's not that I don't have a sense of humor -- one of the reasons I frequent Decorno is the always cheeky wit -- what gets me is that this woman is so anti-home-birth that she didn't even read the Times article before she got her panties in a wad and posted negatively about it on her blog!

Granted, everyone has a right to blog what they choose to blog on their own blog.  And everyone has a right to form their own opinions about this and any other important topic.  But what disturbs me is the utter irresponsibility of people like this as women, basically hating on other women's right to give birth outside of a hospital setting.  I just don't get that.  And what's with the viciousness?  I can't help but be sad, thinking about how threatened most people are by the idea of really talking about the female body, reproduction, and the natural processes surrounding the way we all arrive on the planet:  birth.

UPDATE, 11:39 pm:  After posting this and leaving what I felt to be an incredibly respectful and generous comment on the Decorno post quoted above, it seems that Decorno and her readers now find me "humorless."  What do you think?

Photo of my home birth, by Liz Rubincam.

Home Birth in the New York Times

Today's New York Times features a huge article about home birth, featuring beautiful photographs by my dear friend Liz Rubincam (who also photographed the Kiddo's birth!).

I am elated to see so much space devoted to this topic, and I have to say that the overall angle of the article puts the home birth movement in a favorable light and provides a relatively in-depth look at what is a growing trend in Manhattan.  I urge you to read the article and the accompanying online features including the slideshow (which features additional great quotes and home birth stories) and reader forum, which has already logged 234 comments since yesterday!

Chime in here, too of course :)  Let me know what you think about the article and/or home birth by leaving a comment on this post.

Photos by Liz Rubincam for the New York Times.

Celebrity Babywearers of the Day

Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber wearing son Alexander in Manhattan on Monday...

Natascha McElhone slinging her one-month-old newborn on Tuesday...

Mayim Bialik (Blossom blast from the past!) babywearing and nursing new son Fred.  On a side note, did you know that Mayim completed her PhD in Neuroscience last year?  How much does she rock!

Source:  Celebrity Baby Blog.

UPDATE:  Celebrity Baby Blog is now reporting a new statement just released by Mayim Bialik revealing that she had a home birth, breastfeeds on-demand, and is not sending her oldest son to school!:

Frederick Heschel arrived at 8:32 a.m. on Friday, August 15th, weighing in at 7 lbs, 15 oz and 20 ¼ inches long. His first name is for my grandpa, and his middle name is for Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, who marched with Martin Luther King Jr. in Selma. In Hebrew, Ephraim Hirsch.

He was born after a remarkably fast and beautiful natural one-and-a-half hour labor at our home, assisted only for the final pushing stage of labor! I used hypnosis for pain management. Frederick was born with my water never breaking, known as being born "in the caul" (amniotic sac). Our 3-year-old, Miles, watched the whole thing from his highchair while eating granola!

Frederick is exclusively breastfed on demand and doubled his birth weight by two months of age! Miles does not attend preschool, so he is home with us all the time, is adjusting really well and doing pretty great."

If You Don't Know Your Options, You Don't Have Any

I just got this flyer about a great free event for expectant parents in NYC, and I want to share it with my readers:

The mission of Choices in Childbirth is to improve maternity care by providing the public, especially childbearing women and their families, with the information necessary to make fully informed decisions relating to how, where, and with whom they will give birth.  At the October meeting the topic will be...

IS IT EVER TO LATE TO SWITCH CARE PROVIDER AND/OR BIRTH SETTING DURING PREGNANCY?

There are a variety of reasons for expectant parents to change care provider and/or birth setting during pregnancy. There are also a lot of reasons why they would find switching difficult:

"I already have a relationship with my current provider" or "It's too late in my pregnancy" or "I don't feel comfortable 'firing' my care provider" or "My provider knows what's best for me."

In this month's meeting these important question will be explored and resources will be available that may help you make your decision.

The meeting will feature guest speakers, both care providers and new mothers who will share their choices and experiences.

The session is hosted by Metro Minis.

DATE: Thursday October 30th 2008, 6:15-8:30PM

LOCATION: Metro Minis, 821 Park Avenue (75th Street)

GUEST SPEAKERS: A midwife and two new mothers.

RSVP is appreciated (laure@choicesinchildbirth.org)

Midwife's Memoir a Must-Read

I just had the pleasure of reading an advance copy of "Labor of Love: A Midwife's Memoir" by Cara Muhlhahn, and I couldn't put it down (seriously -- the book arrived in my mailbox on Saturday afternoon and I had finished it by midnight!)  

This book carries special appeal for me not only because I am passionate about the subject of home birth but also because I have a special connection to the author; Cara was my midwife and facilitated the delivery of the Kiddo in June 2007!  You might already recognize her, as she was also featured in the Ricki Lake-Abby Eptein documentary, The Business of Being Born.

For me, having a home birth meant that everything happened on my terms.  For example, while I was pregnant all the prenatal visits occurred in the comfort and convenience of our home.  Because of Cara's dedication to a truly patient-centered standard of care, I never had to haul my pregnant belly across town to a doctor's office, sit in a cold, impersonal waiting room, or deal with the breakneck speed of an overbooked-doctor's exam.  Cara's house calls were always in-depth, personal, and (because she was coming to us) I always felt that they had an almost luxurious quality!  At every prenatal Cara had plenty of time to answer our questions and concerns or just chat.  As a result, in the process leading up to giving birth not only did we develop a strong rapport, but I also always felt valued and respected as a human being.  That feeling helped me to go into labor feeling calm,  confident and strong, with the additional assurance that I had a great support system to help me birth my baby.

In addition to being a powerful look into Cara's fascinating personal journey, "Labor of Love" offers important perspectives on the sorry (and scary!) state of maternity care in our country and argues compellingly that home birth is an absolutely necessary alternative that should be available to all women.  

As Cara states in the book's press release, "between the reaction of some in the medical field and the glamorization of elective c-sections in Hollywood, it's important that we make mothers-to-be aware of the realities of different birthing options."  

From the standpoint of someone who has benefited greatly from having an experienced midwife and a home birth, I can personally attest to the greatness of this mode of care.  It is an experience that I wish all women could have.

"Labor of Love" will be released in January, 2009 by Kaplan Publishing.  Here is a video clip in which Cara talks about the book and her experiences as a certified nurse-midwife:

Home Birth Miracles (Labor of Love: A Midwife's Memoir)

Beautiful Fridas

A recent San Francisco casting-call sought Frida Kahlo look-alikes for a set of tableaux vivants of Kahlo’s works.  Here are some of the gorgeous results, found here.  If I had been in San Francisco, I so would have been there!

Fabulous Home Birth Mom of the Day: Charlotte Church

Singer Charlotte Church is expecting a baby and planning to have a second home birth. The British recording artist and her partner, Gavin Henson, welcomed their first child, Ruby, in a home birth last September. The two have been outspoken proponents of home birth, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping.

In an interview published here, the two spoke of the experience of giving birth to Ruby at home:

“The midwives were amazing – they put everything in the wash, put me in the shower and put my pyjamas on me, then me and Gav got into bed and they brought the baby to us in bed, and said now we can phone everyone.”

Her rugby player partner Gavin added: “The midwife called me when the baby was just coming out and to see that was amazing. You don’t know what people are talking about unless you’ve been a part of it.

“I had so much more respect and so much more love for Charlotte after what she’d just been through. I cut the cord.

“I was just so relieved that the baby looked really healthy. I checked everything and she looked beautiful.”

Fabulous Home Birth Mom (To-Be) of the Day: Laila Ali

Us Magazine is reporting that Laila Ali (tv personality and daughter of Muhammad Ali) is planning a "natural home birth with no medication" and a midwife present. She is expecting a baby boy in three months.

Fabulous Home Birth Mom of the Day: Joely Fisher

Actress Joely Fisher gave birth to her second child, daughter True Harlow, at home in February of 2006. In an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, she spoke about the experience:

"I had this miraculous birth....I decided to have her at home and had a lot of friends around and of course her father was there. And of course, the doctor, the doula, the midwife, the butcher, baker and candlestick maker." (Via The Celebrity Baby Blog).

Le Premier Cri

Angelina Jolie Planning Home Birth?

Word on the street (ok, the internet!) today is that Angelina Jolie is planning a home birth. Pregnant with twins, Jolie and Baby Daddy Brad Pit are said to have decided to have the babies at a luxury residence on the French Riviera with a midwife, a "gynaecological consultant", and other medical personnel present. Jolie gave birth to her first biological child via C-section, but has been quoted as saying she "loves the idea of a home birth."

Fabulous Home Birth Mom of the Day: Carrie Ann Moss

Star of the Matrix films, Carrie Ann Moss on her birth experiences (via The True Face of Birth):

"I have had two babies using the care of a midwife, the first was delivered (by the midwife) in a hospital setting. The second baby was delivered in our home. With both experiences, the midwife made the pregnancy experience and birth so honored and beautiful.

The Midwives Model of Care is unlike using traditional obstetric care, in that it is family-centered and focuses strongly on the mother's wellbeing as an important factor in a good birth outcome. I still treasure memories of the meetings I had throughout both pregnancies, where the midwife would take whatever time was needed to accurately and sensitively monitor my babies' growth. I have no such memories about my Obstetrician appointments, thorough as they were. And in the case of our home-birth, the Obstetrician was not involved at all in the end.

I believe midwifery care is an important healthcare option for families to have access to. Whether they attend a birth at home or in a hospital, midwives bring a special and unique tradition of family-centered care to the experience of having a baby and it would be wrong to stop them from helping American families."

Ricki Lake @ Borders Books, Columbus Circle

Ricki Lake is scheduled to appear and sign DVD copies of The Business of Being Born on May 6. Event details here.